Negotiating Reality: Or Why I Don’t Fold the Laundry
When I first started to write this blog, I thought the subject was too provocative. I think I still feel a little guilty that I don’t do it. After all, part of what I do is encourage people to practice the self-discipline to achieve goals.
But, since choosing which goals we want to achieve is part of the joy of being a grown up, I decided to reveal my “dirty little secret”. Of course, that doesn’t mean we can do whatever we want to do. I wouldn’t recommend deciding not to shower or bathe, or not throwing out the moldy thing in the fridge that you left there 3 or 4 weeks ago, to anyone living with others, for example.
Anyway, to get back to my subject -- I don’t like folding the laundry. I don’t like doing the laundry either, but since I don’t want to smell like I spent the night in a garbage can, I do it anyway.
I was raised to believe that even if you can afford to hire someone to do your laundry and fold it for you, you should learn how to do it yourself so you can be self-sufficient and not spoiled brats.
Well, I didn’t become a spoiled brat, but I don’t fold laundry. If it needs to be hung so it doesn’t wrinkle, I do it (reluctantly, without joy and as slowly as possible). The rest of the stuff gets stuffed in drawers. Does it wrinkle? Not the sweaters – and I never really notice if my undergarments are slightly creased –although I have heard tales of people who (shudder) iron them.
Recently, I got this great idea, I’ll buy a set of large, attractive hampers with lids that can line my bedroom walls instead of dressers and drop the laundry in there, nothing crumpled, everything gained. No fuss no muss and attractive (to me) bedroom furniture at the same time!
So, why am I writing about this? No, it’s not because I want to share my deepest self or start a not folding movement. And it’s not because I want to eliminate those prospective clients/employers/friends or suitors who would be horrified by my lack of laundry etiquette, although I may have done so.
But I did want to share something I’ve learned about reality: Sometimes, it can be negotiated. If you examine your assumptions about what things mean (not folding= you’re spoiled, for example) you may discover some ideas you take for granted that you don’t really believe anymore, just like I did.
While there are some things I have to do even though I don’t like to, because of the costs of the consequences in terms of health, housing, morality or legal problems (cleaning the house, paying the bills, etc.) and there are some I love doing (writing, cooking, traveling, etc.) there are a lot of things that I don’t like doing that are negotiable.
They’re the things I may be able to get out of, if I examine my preconceptions about what I should do or should want to do.
In this vein, I remember when my son was tiny and he lectured me because, according to Barney, I’d left the faucet turned on too long. I didn’t like his doing that.
I’m all for water conservation, but I didn’t want my behavior at home legislated by some imaginary being on television. And, similarly, we don’t need the things we do in our lives legislated by some imaginary rulebook that we’ve incorporated internally but which was originally written by our parents, neighbors, friends or employers. Even if the rulebook comes from ourselves, it’s a good idea to re-examine it from time to time. We change and so do our ideas and circumstances.
If you hate doing something or don’t do it well, maybe you don’t have to do it at all. Or maybe, you can get away with doing it well enough to get by, and focus on spending time on the things that are important to you.
An ex-boyfriend used to say he wanted to do everything he did the best he could. He was shocked that I didn’t feel the same way. Well I don’t. I want to do what I love and care about the best I can. As for the things I don’t like doing, I’ll do them the best I have to or not at all if possible.
Life is short. I don’t know about you, but if I don’t focus on doing the things I care about, I never seem to get around to doing them.
So go ahead, don’t fold the laundry, or vacuum twice a week, or read the right newspaper, or keep up-to-date, or shave or jog – or whatever else it is you don’t really want to do. As long as you’re willing to put up with the consequences, it’s OK. Go ahead and spend the time doing something you really enjoy– or doing nothing at all.
Now that’s a really revolutionary idea!
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