9 Steps to Make Your Dream Come True

9 Steps to Make Your Dream Come True.
Having worked for over a decade to help others achieve their dreams, I have realized that there are nine key steps that people need to take to make their dreams come true. This is true whether their dreams are personal, organizational or professional.  Some people struggle with one element, some with another.  But when all nine are in place, the path becomes easier and obstacles seem insignificant. Other people seem to support you and things tend to go your way.   But, if they’re not in place, achieving the dream becomes such a struggle that often people give it up. They blame themselves for lack of willpower, organizations for being bureaucratic, our society for being corrupt or some other force that was too much for them. They decide the dream can’t be attained, or the effort isn’t worth it.  And they just give up, when they didn't  have to.  


So, what are these 9 keys to successfully realizing your dream?

1. Knowing what your dream is.

Sounds simple, right? Well, sometimes it takes a little time and soul-searching to find it out what it is.  It’s not always a matter of not seeing the forest for the trees; sometimes what you really want is the ocean.

For example, a client of mine thought her main problem was that she was unhappy with the management style at work.  She felt stuck and resigned. When she dug a little deeper, she discovered that the reason all this bothered her so much was she was in the wrong field.  She wanted to move from one medical specialty to another.   Once she realized that, and understood that it was possible, there was no stopping her.  She took some classes, and is now on her way to her new profession.

Or, you may have limited your choices to what you thought was “reasonable” or “realistic” or what other people would find acceptable.  And for some reason, you just can’t seem to get started, or if you do, your efforts fall short.  I knew someone who was so concerned about appearing “respectable” that in redecorating her house she never thought about what she liked, but only what was “appropriate” and had a decorator pick everything.  The decorator stuck with cream throughout the house.  There’s nothing wrong with cream.  But the client didn’t pick it because she wanted it;she picked it because she was afraid to stand out.  The resulting decorating scheme, understandably, had no mark of her own taste and personality. In contrast to this, a friend of mine had an all white color scheme in her bedroom, but it was matched with beautiful dark wood and displayed her taste beautifully.  Because she knew what she wanted the effect was totally different even though she used the same color. Sometimes it’s not what you choose to do that matters, it’s why you choose to do it.

2. Dreaming clearly
When you dream, you need to dream as clearly and precisely as possible.
If you want to move to California, where exactly do you want to move?  What kind of house do you want to live in?  Who are your neighbors and friends, etc., etc. The clearer and more precisely you imagine your dream, the greater your chances of your realizing it.

It doesn’t matter if some of the details change later or the dream itself changes.  By giving yourself permission to develop your dream in detail, you are mobilizing powerful internal forces in support of your dream and learning a great deal about what exactly you really want.  You are also taking an important step in making the dream “real” for yourself and others.  Real things are specific: they have sounds, smells, colors, flavors, sizes and details. They’re not vague yearnings.

If you’re not sure what you really want, there are many different techniques and exercises you can use to clarify what your goal really is.  Not all of them will be right for you.  As in many other things in life, one size does not fit all.  But there are plenty of approaches you can use to clarify your dream and one of them will be right for you.

So, let’s say you’ve figured out exactly what you want. You’ve decided to become a professional speech therapist in a small hospital in Wyoming, move to a white two-story beach side house in San Diego, learn how to design websites for lawyers or spend a year in Palermo to research the mystery novel you’re finally writing.  So is that enough for you to realize your dream?  Not yet.

You need to feel that realizing this dream is something you have to accomplish starting right now. Conviction is another essential element to realizing your dream.

3. Conviction that Your Goal is Vital
It’s not enough to know this intellectually, to think this is important or a good idea.
You have to know in your heart and your guts that this is something essential for you to do now.

But that’s not enough either.  In addition to feeling this is something essential you need to take care of you also have to believe you can do it.

4. Belief in Your Ability
No matter how much you want something, no matter how important it is to you, if you don’t believe you can do it you won’t be able to. But isn't that the same as having conviction, you might ask.  No.  Believing something is essential is not the same as having the confidence or the faith that you'll be able to do it.

You need to have faith that somehow, whatever it takes, you’ll get there.  Sometimes that faith is there already, sometimes, by getting out there and talking to people and starting to move, the faith will grow. Experience and results are just as important in developing faith as faith is in leading to results.  Small steps, one after the other can lead to big changes, both in your attitude and in your results.  But what steps?  What do you need to do next?

5. Research.
You need to get out there and do research to find out what you have to do to make your dream come true, and what living that dream is really like.

To do this you need to get information, from the Internet, from magazines and books and from other people. You need to find out what kind of resources you need in terms of knowledge, skills, people and finances or anything else that is necessary.

For example, if you’re planning to get fit, you need to find out what kinds of healthy exercise and eating habits fit your personality and preferences and how much the equipment you need will cost.

If you’re planning to market your goods or services in another country you need to research not only markets there, tax and import laws, but also the culture.  Products, slogans or even colors, that work the U.S., may be ridiculous or even insulting there.

Once you have the information you need, you have to develop a strategy to put it what you’ve learned into operation to achieve your goal.

6. Strategy.
A strategy is just a plan, with a time frame for doing what you need to do to achieve a goal.  So, now that you have the information you need, you can develop your strategy and start moving. This will take time, thought and reality testing.  Sometimes a strategy that doesn’t seem to be working just needs a little fine-tuning.

For example, I once worked with a volunteer group, to recruit and mobilize volunteer leaders from constituent organizations. The trainings we developed were great.  And we had excellent participation in the initial sessions.  But the new leaders weren’t managing .to mobilize others within their home organizations consistently and they were getting discouraged. When I suggested that established leaders work one-on-one with newcomers to mentor them on how to develop and sustain momentum within their own organizations, things started turning around.  It just took a little more information and one additional element to make our strategy work.

7. Determination.
You need to be ready to do whatever it takes to realize your goal.
There will be fun parts and not so fun parts of getting there.  You need to develop whatever supports you need to keep your determination going, especially when you encounter temporary setbacks, things take longer than you expected, or you’re having a bad day and losing faith.

Put pictures of your dream house on the fridge, find a friend to call when you feel you can’t jog another mile, speak at a professional organization to remind yourself you have something valuable to offer, find a coach to help you, listen to motivational tapes, practice relaxation exercises, take a ten minute walk, write down what you’re feeling or pray.  Do whatever will get you back on track. And then just keep going.  Your moods may swing but they don’t have to rule your actions.

8. Other People.
You need other people all along the way to the achievement of your goal, for information, advice, support, as an audience or as clients.  They have their own needs and desires too.  Remember to thank them, help them and develop long-term relationships with them, even if they’re not immediately useful to your project.  People sense it when you don’t care about them and they don’t like being used.  Neither do you.  Share information with them let them know how you’re doing and find out how you can be useful to them.  Keep in touch from time to time after you’re project is done.  No one is an island.  Long-term relationships are essential, not just to realizing this one goal, but to realizing yet undreamed of ones and to building a life.

9.Balance
Whether you’re spending eighty hours a week on this goal or two, remember this isn’t all of your life.  You’ll be a lot more energized and successful if you stop – not just to smell the roses – but also to taste the sushi-or the rugelach, play with the kids and go to that concert. Having a life leaves you more joyful and relaxed, and that will make a difference in how effective you are in all aspects of your life, including achieving your goals.

So, there you have it: the nine steps to achieving a goal.  Now it’s up to you to take the first step. And happy dreaming!

I welcome your comments.  If you like my blog, please share it with your friends.
To arrange a free consultation to see if I can help you realize your dream, help you with a presentation or training or to arrange for me to speak for your group, contact me at nbhousman@gmail.com

Share the Fish

Share the Fish

I’ve been thinking about the ways in which people have become more isolated in New York City over the last few years.

The Internet, cell phones, coffee cafes, all seem both manifestations and causes of this trend.

People watch movies, work, and talk to friends without leaving their computers or their homes, but may have very little contact with people in their neighborhood.  Some of us even buy our groceries online. (I do).

We bring our laptops, cell phones and ipods everywhere.
Trying to get by someone in a store or on the street-you say excuse me and they don’t move-they’re not being rude-they just can’t hear you because they’re listening to their ipods.

Late the other evening on the bus, I noticed a young couple, apparently returning home from an evening out.  How sweet and romantic they looked! Except…they were each on their cell phones, talking in a foreign language to other people.

When I was living in Paris, people would tell me they found the Parisians rude and unapproachable.  And I would explain that they weren’t –it was just that the culture was different.  If you weren’t introduced it was as if you didn’t exist, but once you were introduced, you had a friend for life. Social relations were so more like those in a Victorian novel than American social life – harder to establish, but deeper and more durable.  Being invited to someone’s home was a big deal. It usually implied a close personal, and probably permanent relationship and, in most cases, an elaborate multi-course meal.  (I remember a friend apologizing profusely when she only served steak as the main course for an impromptu dinner at her house).

Generally, people met in cafes or restaurants for a drink or a meal. In public there was no common territory, every family, individual or group of friends was in their own private bubble –you just didn’t exist unless you were inside it.  But once you got into the bubble, the strength and persistence of the relationships could be amazing.

I loved Paris, but I still enjoyed going back to New York, where strangers could chat and become friends fast, people invited you over on impulse, and strangers routinely moved out of each other’s way and got up for the elderly and disabled on the bus.

When I returned to New York, a number of years ago, I was amazed at the renewed ease of contact and the casual connections, but I also saw some changes.  One of them was the growth of a café culture, where people met for coffee and didn’t invite people home so much.  As time went by, cell phones, and then ipods proliferated, making people more involved with others at a distance, and less aware of what was going on in front of their noses.

At the same time I noticed, fewer people were getting up for elderly, pregnant and disabled people boarding buses.  Had our culture changed, I wondered?    We seemed to be becoming more Parisian in our public behavior.  But were we becoming more like them in private too?  With stronger, more durable commitments to family and friends?  I didn’t think so.

And then there was the tragedy of Katrina.  And one of the few hopeful things was the response of strangers, through vehicles like craigslist, to help victims, by providing aid and shelter. Now the ever- present Internet, and newer VOIP (computer phone service) were bringing people together in crucial, life saving ways, not isolating them.

Perhaps one thing we can learn from the tragedy of Katrina is to realize our responsibility to and for one another, not just in a national tragedy, but also locally on a daily basis and, to use an old phrase, our interdependence on each other.
When I was growing up, on the Upper West Side, neighbors coming back from fishing would drop off fish for each other.  That doesn’t seem to happen so much anymore.  Of course, this sense of shared community hasn’t disappeared completely. A few years ago, for example, my tenants’ association, organized regular visits to an ailing neighbor. But I seem to hear stories like this more rarely than I used to.

New ways of living and new technology have brought us choices, in terms of our personal and professional lives, that would have been unimaginable a century, or even a couple of decades.  But as we savor our new connections and new communities, let’s try to remember the ties based on physical proximity and interdependence and share the fish.

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